That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
