once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
