I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
