well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
