I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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