I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
