Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize