You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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