My liver just broke up with me...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
