I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I wear drunk well.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
