No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
