when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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