Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
