He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
