The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
