R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
