OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
