Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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