i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i will never coherently bang her
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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