shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
