you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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