You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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