Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
