whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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