Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
