why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
