dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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