did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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