yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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