my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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