So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
