party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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