i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
