Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
