Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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