hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
