I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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