For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
