Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
