Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
