You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
