Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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