Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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