Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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