How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
