So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
