I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
