I am full of burrito and curiosity
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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