So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
