I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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