do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
