it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My vagina is officially offended.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
