Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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