im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
