Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Let's paint friendship bongs
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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