She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
