I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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