Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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